Perceptions of Failure

As parents, we want to see our children succeed while minimizing their struggles.  In my work, I’ve met many parents who just don’t know where to begin and are overwhelmed with the school experience.  Some of these feelings have been shaped by their own childhood experiences with school.  

For me, I was retained in 2nd grade because of my reading skills.  Ultimately, I viewed myself as having “failed.”  The impact of this event was significant and shaped many of my thoughts on school for years to come.  This experience has led me to guide and support students and families so others can avoid feeling similarly.  

Honestly, I am not sure my parents knew what questions to ask and just trusted the school’s judgement.  Similar to my parents, a majority today do not know what questions they should be asking.  Even my husband has looked at me to help guide him through the school experience because of my knowledge.  

This shouldn’t be a secret society.  Parents should feel comfortable asking questions about their child’s education.  Parent-Teacher conferences should be fruitful, not just an obligatory check box for the school year.  Even if parents don’t know what questions to ask there should be more guidance and support.  

Back in 2013, I began working for a district in a teacher support role. Many teachers asked for assistance with students who exhibited behavioral challenges in their classrooms.  I met a young female first grade student during that year who was not classified with a special education disability at that point. This student academically had no concerns but struggled to sit still in class and was very impulsive.  Many had already labeled her a “naughty” child.  

I began working with her and her family to discuss interventions and strategies to help this student find success.  She later went on to be diagnosed with ADHD, deficit in executive functioning, and some sensory concerns, amongst other things.  She was far from a naughty child and was actually trying to tell the adults at school that she needed assistance.  

I’ve often asked myself, “if she was a boy who couldn’t sit still in first grade, would people have thought it was a gender issue instead of a disability?”  Maybe you’ve seen a similar assessment?  We completed a full special education evaluation where she was classified with a disability and an IEP was put in place.  You see, she wasn’t a naughty kid.  She is a child with a disability who needs school to look different for her than her typically developing peers.  Currently she now has her struggles, but as a middle school student with proper support.  

#standreadytosupport