Children Are Resilient

Continuing the conversation about self-care it’s critical to recognize the need for mental health services for our children.  Whether these services are provided in school or not, children need access.  When a significant event occurs such as divorce, the death of a parent, or physical and/or mental abuse we tell ourselves that the “children are resilient and will pull through.”  Children are resilient, but they still need tools that will help them cope with the trauma.  Often what we believe are children being resilient is really a child packing away what happened and not addressing their feelings.  For example, a child who tragically lost a parent at a young age sees those unresolved issues come to the forefront as a teenager because they weren’t properly addressed at a young age.  

Years ago, I had a student with a rough and tumble exterior.  He had been removed from his classmates and was attending a very limited school program with a high staff-to-student ratio.  This student had created so many barriers around himself that people were at the point of giving up on him.  Even his mother and maternal grandmother often told him he was worthless.  

As we began to work together, it became clear he had experienced trauma as a young child.  I learned that under his rough and tough exterior was a child who wanted to be successful and be loved and cared for but lacked the ability.  Ultimately, the child had witnessed his dad murder his girlfriend at the age of four.  There never was any counseling to help him process not only what he witnessed, but that his father was now serving life in prison.  

Can we move beyond making statements about children being resilient?  Events such as the ones described above leave trauma in their wake and without the proper care, leave a child woefully unprepared to handle for the rest of their life. Can we help show them counseling and self-care are important to our mental health?

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